It was a Monday afternoon and life was going well. Earlier that day I’d accepted a new job offer and was very excited. The prior weekend was full of love and energy. The winter holidays, and some exciting plans, were approaching. By all accounts, everything was terrific! Yet I was feeling, I don’t know, kind of, melancholy. At the time I’d have said I was feeling “down” or a “low level of depression” but as I pondered my mood, I realized these weren’t accurate.
So, the first revelation was complete: I was feeling melancholy. Now, for the second revelation, what, exactly, does melancholy mean? Or, at least, mean to me?
Healthy, growing, humans will go through periods of expansion (growth) and contraction (processing). We all do this whether we realize it or not. The way I see it, expansion is a period of activity and contraction is a period of integration. This is needed to fully integrate the experiences of expansion. Otherwise, all the joy and things that may be learned from that period may be lost.
What I’ve realized is that my contraction periods are melancholy.
So now melancholy was starting to make sense. If I’m in a period of contraction, or integration, my energy is focused inward; attempting to integrate all my new experiences as a basis for long term growth. With the energy focused inward, there’s little left for outward expression or obvious joy and pleasure. I’ve come to embrace this feeling, knowing that it’s part of a process. And knowing that I’ll be stronger as I come out the other side.
It isn’t easy. Melancholy, while not as debilitating as depression, is definitely an obstacle to conscious activity and progress. But now that I understand what it’s doing subconsciously, it’s much easier to accept. And embrace.